swollen

there is something in my chest
that doesn't know how to leave
it sits
wide and wordless
not grief
not joy
just a quiet ache
that pools like blood to a bruise

i press my hand there
like i’m checking for a heartbeat
that isn’t mine
like maybe someone
moved in overnight
and brought their sadness with them

my heart is swollen
but not from love
not from anything I can name
it’s just
heavy
like it’s storing
all the things i didn’t say
all the goodbyes
i said too early
or too late

i haven’t cried
but i feel the tears
like a storm in the walls
waiting
tapping
asking
to be let out

maybe i’m grieving
a version of myself
i never got to meet
maybe i miss someone
who isn’t gone
but isn’t here either.

maybe
I’m just tired
of carrying the weight
of questions
with no mouths
and memories
with no home

i don’t know
but I keep waking up
with a chest
full of ache
and nowhere
to place it